I haven't had sex in so long I'll probably find some stranger, feel guilty, go w/o sex for several months and do it all over again...always something to look forward to
I wish my grandma would stop using the phrase "he pulled out" when she's talking about her contractor quitting his job.
what part of "i slept with our hot teacher" are you not excited about?!
the part where you beat me to him
fair enough.
bars should really give you discounts for bringing your own shot glass
I'm making presurgery martini's. You need to be here.
WHYAREWHITEGUYSSOBADINBED?! What the fuck went wrong, evolution?
Yea we slept in ur room but im 80% sure we didnt have any peanut butter in there
I just want him to come back from NOLA alive, without an arrest record or stripper glitter on his clothes...
Those seems like unreasonable expectations for a bachelor party honestly...
I've had 5 hours of sleep and I still smell like sex with the Colonel. I don't appreciate spontaneity.
I think it's getting serious, we started a jigsaw puzzle together.
How do you ask the man who gives you multiple orgasms if he has friends who could do the same for your friend?
Thanks to you I just drunkenly spot washed a Star Wars hoodie, at midnight on a Friday. If there is a greater level of nerdiness I do not know of its existence
I would just like to say that I was the one who said that we should find scissors, when they were cutting your hair with a kitchen knife. I am responsible.
I still feel bad for it, even though I technically only videotaped it and helped will to distract the questioning neighbor
first he passed out on the toilet...then hugged it and screamed no no no as i tried to pull him out
ok, muffins say "love me", waffles say "fuck me", got it.
Randomize
