Me+graduation party+hammered drunk+polish horseshoes in the dark= black eye, crying, pissed, passed out in my dress... How was your weekend?
2 rounds of irish car bombs have already been taken to your 5 year sober anniversary
Wise words from the guy who drunkenly chipped his teeth on the sidewalk
Crosswalk actually
I'm such a fucking super-fan. I was worried his cum would wash away his autograph.
she's like the billy mays of hookups...touch my boobs and i'll throw in this blow job ABSOLUTELY FREE
Her eyebrows were plucked so thin that she had to have gonorrhea. Clean girls just don't pluck that way
pretty sure tht was the guy who once went to the club dressed as waldo. he still looks weirdly fuckable.
I found our waiter on grindr, gave him my number, and got him to send a dick pic. Still not getting laid but close enough?
If you want it you better put a ring on it. And by ring I mean one of my three favorite pies.
Ever since the Christmas fiasco of '08, I can no longer watch Rudolf the Red nosed reindeer without getting a hard on
he had shaved armpits. I repeat: HE SHAVED. HIS. ARMPITS! First hookup of 2014 and it's with a weirdo. Alcohol:1 Me:0
He offered to take me to my appointment after breakfast then kind of just sat there and watched me get a papsmier. Most awkward first date ever.
I swear to god if you keep eating my cats food drunk I am going to kick you out of our apartment.
That's so awful of me. Instead of comforting her I masturbated in front of my ex-boyfriend.
Highlight of the day: got a bunch of drunks to sing baby shark.
Randomize
