Tell me why I go to the dollar store for nail polish remover and a ghetto black dude trys to hit on me in the parking lot, then he gets in line behind me with a dousche bag literally and that is his only purchase.
she must of just birthed a child cause her labia touched the floor
As of tonight I have officially had sex during every Disney movie.
im pretty sure thats the first step to being a pedafile
There's nothing like vomiting in the restroom at work to remind you that you're not in college anymore.
I like how the only thing you spelled correctly is "i'm tequila"
Just made a photo collage of the girls I've hooked up with this summer. I'm patting myself on my back right now
My dealer's mom died on christmas eve. Is it too soon to see if he's holding?
its not like she's the last girl on the planet with symmetrical breasts and great skin
I'm challenging a 70 yr old alcoholic woman who is half my size tonight. Wish me luck
No, we talked about it. They're cool with me living here as long as I sleep with them both.
You're a rent hooker.
Okay. How did someone manage to piss on TOP of a urinal? What giant is roaming around with a prick five feet from the ground?
Seriously dude...who threw up on Michelle? She's been crying for like an hour
You know how I know last night was a good night? Because I remember high fiving a couple WHILE they were having sex.
How ya feelin sunshine?
Like a million dollars! ... That has been hit by a bus, drowned under water and beat repeatedly by a shovel.
I just woke up to my family in the living room watching our security camera tape of me last night talking to a stop sign in our backyard... How the fuck did I get that in the yard?
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