after we finished he farted and said 'i've been holding that one in'
i really wish someone from a royal background would fuck me so i could literally say i was 'royally fucked'.
I had a pretty decent weekend -- aside from dropping the baby on her head. That.. That I feel bad about.
someone just puked in the library. they put up caution tape. i totally underestimated finals week.
They're like penises that have been put in a blender.
Just found a picture of me licking the bouncers ear last night
i had them turn on teen mom at the bar so i wouldnt be tempted to go home and make babies with the guy next to me
I just want a guy that likes cats and is willing to get a vasectomy. IS THAT SO MUCH TO ASK?!
So ive narrowed my options down to getting food or masturbating. Don't judge me
Can we make a pact that if we're 40 and still sluts that aren't married we can get civil unioned the fuck up and raise an asian baby as our own?
For the record, just because I'm a mess doesn't mean I don't know what I'm talking about when I give you advice. I'm way better at other people's lives.
If I had a mugshot, I would totally use it as my main picture on Tinder, just to keep it interesting.
His gf just liked my changed relationship status. She's gonna shit bricks when she finds out he left her for me. Bless her little heart.
I have more important things to worry about than you drowning your cheerios in tequila.
Lately I've been very attracted to Kevin Jonas because he's like...less hot than Joe, but he's this healthy mix of both Joe and Nick. It looks like he's finally growing into himself.
Randomize
