Im not sure if he just tripped or was star gazing, but i gave him head anyway.
watching E! true Hollywood story: curse of the lottery.. i'd probably spend all my money on blow and airplanes too..
Mid thrust he tells me that we have bio together
Wife passed out. Doing shots with the hot bartender... Don't tell me I don't know how to celebrate a 1yr anniversary
I brought up my Bobbly Flay drinking game in the interview. Of course I got the job.
The lego bong didn't work. Just made us look stupid
while she was riding me, she looked at me and said "this is why mom told me learning how to ride a horse would be important for my future"
My mom wants to know what to send you in a care package. She used cat emojis, so you know it's serious
Henceforth: booty calls will now be referred to as "deliveries of anatomy". That is all.
Wow. Last night.
I knew you were shit blasted when you called me your "sunflower queen"
It's all fun and games until you rupture a testicle
Why are you drunk at the library?
Why not?
There are flour footprints all over the house. Either u guys are trying to pull that Paranormal Activity shit on me again, or u got drunk and tried to make pancakes.
The last thing I remember is trying to chug the rest of the everclear, running through a fence, and laying down in the snow. I hurt.
I mean, who hasn’t been fingered in there back of an Uber?
Randomize
