Banjos are just sex machines. Like lights to moths, banjos are to hipster bitches.
I never thought that I'd ever use the phrase "and the resulting ice cream explosion" seriously at work...
I just put anything in between my legs and hope for the best.
I dont think problem is the right word. Problems arent something you enjoy. Life would be too boring without gambling.
I have minimal recognition and a lot of burns on my tongue and my vagina hurts.
I had to convince you not to write "happy birthday to the first guy who fingered me" on his facebook wall, right above the post from his current girlfriend's mother.
Don't worry we did the "promise to get an abortion" handshake
Im blowing my nose and the only thing coming out is beer
All together there was 318 cigarette butts in the pool... And my microwave.
its like i had a thought but i dont know what the words are for it
Breaking a step ladder over someone's back turned into a really fun game, way too quickly.
He left in the middle of the night, he left his shoes behind and stole my doc martens..size 6 female. Wtf?
I literally have nothing else left to cut besides my drug budget; the dark days are among us
Don't try to sleep with work colleagues because he won't be able to get it up and you won't be able to look him in the eye ever again
No I will not paint you for Mardi Gras in town. It is going to rain and you don't need another ID charge
Randomize
