you were sitting on my toliet with a double cheesburger in your hand asking me how the cheeseburger even got there.
explain the missing patches of hair on my cat. now.
I'm stoned and have been watching so many cartoons that I changed the channel and real people were on, and it scared me
Just when you think you're never going to have sex again, BOOM you're naked in bed with a guatemalan
I have realized now that neither the top nor bottom of a bunk bed is safe for sex....
We're cuddling on the couch that me and his brother had sex on...this feels wrong
BTW, it's bullshit to say that not doing a shot is unpatriotic. You know how I fall for that.
I'm silent, like a masturbating ninja.
6 beers and it feels like I've been drinking water... Daiquiri time
Um of course I blew him. He brought me a shamrock shake. It was two o’clock in the morning on St. Patrick’s Day. There was no smoother move basically. He totally earned that head.
I realized after pounding back 151 and head banging into each other to "the drop" of that dub step song, that we weren't meant to have boyfriends at this point in time.
Just sucked some sandy dick on a boardwalk & now I'm at a family reunion hbu
You've never really lived until you tell someone you have an STD over snap chat.
I bought a box of wine on my way home. I figured if I’m going to be broke during the holidays, I might as well be able to drink about it.
It's official! Naked girl is back and making stir fry. Still not sure she realizes we can see her whole apartment from our balcony. Cheap beer and a show.
Randomize
