I'm so hungover that the internet is hard.
God gave me these boobs for a reason other than for people to throw things down them.
Classy. Drunk on alcoholic "energy drink" at work before 8 am on a Tuesday. Between that and hanging out in bars with no pants on, your life is beginning to sound like a Bukowski novel.
I made mike pull over so I could lay in the grass. He made me get up cuz I looked dead and people were passing. It was like 6:30am.
I kind of feel like BP. I'm dressed in green and absolutely horrible for the environment.
They just dared her to tape flip flops to her tits. Entertainment value cannot be found like this in any other part of America.
nana can keg stand better than me. should i be proud?
That guy has been pretty randomly in and out of my vagina for 4 years...I don't think I'm required to tell him when I'm dating.
Good point.
They finally caught us and banned us forever, but it was worth it because we didn't have to pay for light bulbs for at least 3 years.
So you stole light bulbs, from your favorite bar, and got banned, and you're happy?
Look we couldnt pay for light bulbs and ramen, and you can't eat light bulbs or cook in the dark. Win - win.
Honestly I was sitting in managerial accounting thinking "I really need to get my shit together and stop drinking so much wine." But when you asked I realized... it's wine. It's always a yes.
We were supposed fuck one time, but ended up fucking for 2 years.
Please come over. It's a pajama and burn-2016-in-effigy party
i like that he makes me laugh. those are like my two favorite things. laughing and fucking.
Typically a man doesn't buy a woman a drink in hopes of her laughing at his penis, but no one said I was normal.
Life update: This fucking MacBook repair guy called me over last night for a booty call and he didn’t have a condom OR a bed
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