I need help removing her.
You know, I didn't realize this at the time, but it appears that I am being "heavily petted" by 3 grown men in that pic.
If these were biblical times then you'd be a Roman Senator.
Seriously, I would hit on barney the dinosaur right now if it meant I was going to get laid.
I took a bird feeder and filled it with alka-seltzer. Can you say fireworks?
We all have a cross to bear. Yours just happens to be attracting gay men.
I'm sitting in the middle of them on his bed, forcing them to watch Brokeback Mountain. I am the best cock blocker ever.
I'll be there soon. I expect Advil and a bucket of kittens when I arrive.
I'm drunk off vodka and I haven't eaten today. I've never felt more like Kirsten Cohen in my life.
He challenged me to a drink off, I couldn't just say no. It was a matter of pride really.
And as he was cursing your name from the bathroom you were ordering yourself another drink on his tab. The poor bastard had no clue you were a pro drunk
Jesus Christ that hit just spoke to so many levels of my soul. It's caressing them softly
Have 7 min to kill while I wait for liquor store to open. Feels really awkward.
This place is full of unfortunate mustaches.
I don't have the resources to adequately explain this. I need like a Powerpoint presentation and also Vodka.
yes, i'm a douce. but i'm a high quality douche.
See I insist I'm not a groupie and then I say things like "will bang for a backstage pass".
Randomize
