The wedding was scheduled to start 5 min. ago. 20 people here so far, groomsmen in tees and jeans, catering by Costo. NO ONE OUR AGE IS READY FOR MARRIAGE!
this will be a night to untag.
I have had more skin than food in my mouth the last three days
It turns out tequila bombs is really code for straight shots of tequila…who would have guessed?
When he pulls out of you and farts and says ahh I wanted to do that for the past 30 mins ....you rethink the next drunken hook up
Wat day did I have sex in my sleep? I just made a Dr appt for Friday and I want to talk to her about it
You went in the back with her.. And honestly I couldn't tell her neck from her tits man..
Like woke up with a dick piercing kind of drunk.
And now to play every stoner's favorite game: Where the Fuck Did We Park the Car?! Disneyland Edition!
I might as well walk around wearing a sandwich board and accept the fact that I'm dying single.
I named my Roomba after my pot dealer. I have a problem, don't i?
I gave him blue balls & ate the last slice of pie so the chances of a second date are slim...
Girls - I think I have a problem with stealing random shit when I'm drunk.
tell me about the eggs
Let’s not dwell on the negatives. I have a fat ass and suck dick well.
Randomize
