Worst sexual experience IN MY LIFE. And now i know why it makes jesus cry.
this girl and her friend just showed up at my house. standing together, theylook exactly like the number 10. this has cockblock written alllllll over it.
low key just jizzed in a chinese food container
I really need to find better places to throw up. I would like to be able to use the bathroom sink the next morning for brushing my teeth
there's unknown territories my dick was not made to discover
Ive been home for 20 minutes and I'm already in bed with a vodka tonic
Remind me if I threw up on you last night or if that was just a dream.
At what point did we decide It was a good idea t have a wheelbarrow race in the parking lot?
I think I'll handle my grief by throwing myself headlong into lesbianism. Seems like a fitting tribute to you.
Megan brought her friend up last night, greeted her by drunkedly taking a piss all over her duffle bag of clothing
Sometimes turtles just really trip me out man
Besides he said his dick was as big as a loaf of bread and that it was broken. So I was like u have half a head of hair and a broken dick that looks like bread. No thanks. Im good.
I'm too over dressed and drunk for this emergency vets office
I finished OITNB and broke it off with my fuck buddy in the same day. It's going to be a rough week
Dude, you ever snap awake on the toilet at work with that panicked, "How long have I been here?!" feeling??
Randomize
