Im drinking a beer thats called vuuve which is boobs in begian. I think my life is complete.
I am so fucking pissed, there are no Shamwows in the As Seen on TV Store.
Looks like you'll have to stick to jizzing in socks.
i can't believe i had a foursome before a threesome
dude i have an english essay and a bio lab due tomorow
so basically your not goin out tonight?
who said that?
On the plus side this hangover is the tipping point that finally convinced my lazy ass to get some sunglasses.
81 degrees in april.... Thinking margaritacicles, you in?
So the name of the kid from the sponsor a child comercial popped into my head while I was masturbating this morning. Needless to say I will now be now be donating out of guilt.
Mike found the condom wrapper on the washing machine and looked at me and said "Magnum? NICE girl. Get that nut!" then proceeded to puke in a cup
I accidentally sent him a snapchat of my boobs and now we're going on a date tomorrow... Could be worse.
You were drink-wine-from-the-bottle drunk trying to take everybody's blood pressures again.
he only noticed i dyed my hair purple like halfway through sex and he looked really shocked and he just said "You look like Barney." as he came.
I've decided that it's a bad thing. But I've also decided that I don't give a fuck.
Sigh. I'll find the right guy one day.
Prince charming is right around the corner and will be freaky as shit!
True life: I inadvertently fucked a whole friend group. More details to come tonight.
fucked one of the teachers, librarian job's going great
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