I just put on my hot pinky lace thong... you know what that means! ;)
Oh god. Slutty you is on the run. Someone needs to alert the city.
you know how i said i wouldn't send that pic message of your lofted bed falling from you fucking a fat chick? that was after i sent it to your mom
I love girls that fake tan. Can you say p p p p p p p p pumpkin face
I almost got away with it until she smelled beer on the stroller.
I DON'T CARE LET'S GET DRUNK AND GO. I STRAIGHTENED MY HAIR DO THIS FOR ME.
the mechanics of walkigng feel weird right now everyone lools like a demon
what does alcohol mean
I dont care how drunk you were. Making a bet with MY husband at MY wedding that you could seal the deal before he could is ALWAYS inappropriate!
Honestly bro, I can't look at girls you've banged. Its like looking herpes in the face.
He really thought ahead and just left the tequila in the mail box for late night pickup. Best. Friend. Ever.
Hindsight: Dressing up in nothing but a bra, booty shorts, and police tape made for the most awkward walk of shame of my life.
For the first time in my life, I may be the most normal person in the room.
Update: I am definitely the most normal person in this room. And the least tattooed.
I told him you're making deviled eggs for the party. Sisters make deviled eggs to get their sisters laid. It's science.
Did I tell you that I told him I deleted his dick pics and he almost started crying?
Idk if you own a vibrator or anything but it's not smart to leave it in dad's car for him to find :/
I am cleaning melted cheese out of my hair. This is a new experience for me
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