i miss vodka and anonymity. college is so rich in both. in college we are a many armed creature, lubricated with beer and sex.
are you going to last longer than 15 seconds
nope
We did it and he fell asleep and I was bored so I decided to go back to the party...is that bad?
Disregard any previous text from the past 12 hours. Except for the one about scoring a strike while drunk bowling. Remember that one.
No she hasen't showed up to my place yet, last I heard she was puking as she was walking without stopping near the park.
oh but the power of the cock will take you to places you never been..i flew to hawaii once to sleep witha chick
Of course he wants me there for his birthday. If a girl offers you a blowjob for every year of your life, you're gonna want her to be there.
All I remember from last night is petting the broom with my feet and feeling like I was standing on a horses head
I told him I was engaged, had 911 on speed dial and made him wear his seatbelt, then dropped his drunk ass off at his motel...probably not the night he was expecting.
This is the most scared i've been of my hands since i did shrooms.
Just an FYI i'm going to get drunk as shit while you are on duty and attempt to not fall into the bathtub again.
Rodger that.
he just fluffed my hair and told me I had to dance with him because we were both gingers.
Fly, little bird! Repopulate the ginger race!
If you're into enormous nipples, you should ask out my office's receptionist.
So now I have had sex with 2 people my son graduated high school with.
It's the Ides of March, motherfucker. That means we're supposed to daydrink, right?
Randomize
