Why can't I find a man that likes bush instead of a vagina that looks like it belongs to a prepubescent child!
Because men are children
Touche
last night was the icing on my 3 week vodka binge cake
What makeup look will say to the therapist 'I am a smart, well-adjusted young woman'?
I just got a mental picture of us having sex in a trash can.
Twas the night before the bachelor party, and all thru the house...not a creature was stirring, not even a stripper?...
So hungover. I dropped my keys and leaning over seemed a terrible idea. Instead I took my shoe off in the middle of the street and use my toes to pick them up. Think I'm a genius.
Your dick is going to fall off. Be careful or you'll get callouses. A workingman's dick.
I woke up with $140 in twenties in my bra and have never been more puzzled.
Somehow I ended up in a different costume dancing with some tree of a guy in the basement bathroom, what did you give me?
This girl I interned with got engaged today and I'm just like over here taking plan B with my tacos and PBR.
you made cordon bleu at 4am and declared you were Marshall Stewart
But you put your finger in my ass and the rest is history
Watch out for the bush at the end of your steps. it comes out of nowhere
Why did two squirrels just run out from behind the couch?
About that.
he had a cock ring. i orgasmed before he even put it in
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