dude. FULL moustache. it was like getting head from Tom Selleck
so sad. i just ate the last good 'n' plenty out of the bottom of my purse.
he just chased his shot of tequila with a chicken nugget.. either its a canadian thing or hes wasted
Just rescued a super cute pair of Gucci heels off the sorority lawn on my way to work. Things are worth two paychecks. Fuck trust fund kids.
The last thing I want is a chocolate mold of my cock competing with my real cock for time spent in your mouth
I left after my shirt got dropped in the toilet thinking that there was absolutely no good that could happen the rest of the evening. I hear I was very wrong.
Who wants vodka and apple sauce
me blowing you awake is the exact turn i want our relationship to take
The Winnie the Pooh costume was great until you got drunk and started yelling at the kids asking for pictures.
I draw, I play three woodwind instruments, I press buttons for eight hours at work and Im studying to be a gynecologist... I guarantee I can make you squirt, babe.
I AM A HOUSE CAT. I CANNOT DO THIS LION BUSINESS WE CALL THE SINGLE LIFE
I'm trying to puke quietly so i don't ruin my grandma's birthday/my graduation brunch. And you say i need to grow up.
He said he was Greek American and that is why my legs slammed shut. During the World Cup there are only Americans.
Officially the best daughter ever. I just restocked my parents alcohol that I stole last night AND ADDED TO IT
I visited the library for the first time in my college career tonight and I got laid. I think I'm gonna come back...
Randomize
