Well i just wrestled a cop... p.s. i won
It's 5:30am in Vegas and I'm eating McDondalds next to crying prostitutes.....low point.
I'm sober enough to question why I have your name as "the wolverine" in my phone.
I woke up in nothing but a shower cap and your sparkling coke straw snorter thing inbetween my toes. Explain.
I gave his parents a candle as a thanks for letting me hang out there all the time. Which i guess is more accurately a thanks-for-letting-me-fuck-your-son candle
I think I'll handle my grief by throwing myself headlong into lesbianism. Seems like a fitting tribute to you.
You're worse than that girl who made out with her cousin at that party
That was you...
I'll ask around, all of my friends have girlfriends now for the most part though so they're all dead inside
On a separate note, I just found out some condoms aren't vegan. Problem.
Hahahaha I can't wait for you to ask "wait. are there any animal by products in that?"
Shroomed with my best friend'a dad at his wife's surprise birthday party so you can say I have experience in the field
Whatever. I have his dick. Haha how many girls can say they have a dildo replica of a guy they were seeing
I have hit the ultimate fuck buddy status. We pulled over in a construction zone to have a quickie.
I got kicked out of the E.R. for saying "balls".
Do dollar stores sell vibrators?
She was blowing air into green onions and tying knots in them to make "balloons"
Randomize
