I'm so cold I just used my boobs to keep my face warm
you are getting stockholm syndrome from your pubes
Yeah, I probably scared him away when I drunkenly told him we'd have beautiful children
I believe some people would call last night an orgy.
We just had a sexually tense moment where we both chose the trough the pee. I love gay clubs.
Nothing says "we're never gonna bone" like "nice haircut, it makes you look like my cousin"
i think the realest test of our friendship is how hot your sister looks right now
I mean, it's just pathetic when the standard is tinder and he can't live up to it.
If you can't have hot, loud sex in a dorm for the last time ever, what can you do in this world?
I just destroyed that poor boy. Picked him up and put him wherever I wanted, it was like the Pride version of Elf on a Shelf.
We got cut off at a bar at 4pm. We aren't human
He's eating a sriracha ravioli sandwich. How do you think the night is going?
Bleach your asshole, I'm on my way.
Who is this?!?!
For a second I thought he was going to give me an intervention
You can't give interventions in a bar!
I mean she's doing calculus in her head to prove how NOT drunk she is.
Randomize
