In all seriousness though I just found out the dog pissed in my bed it'd be nice to crash somewhere other than my couch while my piss soaked bedding is in the washer
i cant finish this easy-mac because i need it for a chaser.
all her text said was "asdfhdaufhudshfuds" and i knew that meant come over
thats the 2nd threesome ive been accused of this week
After he finished his girlfriend called him. I sat there, tied his shoes for him, then he high fived me and said "this is gonna be a great summer steph"
By "met a doctor" I really mean "fucked a pre med student"
You would think the bank would reward me for getting my account down to 3 cents without overdrafting it.
I just took the soggiest of beer shits and all i have to eat is shredded cheese and more beer. I need an adult.
I found your dog. Now we are bros, so he is staying. Don't call, don't make it weird.
the only thing she has in her apt so far is toilet paper and shot glasses. you can see where the priorities lie.
Now with the essential back story, I can empathize. Sorry about your beer and butthole.
I'm eating pizza in the bathtub
I accidentally put Bacardi in my coffee this morning. I ain't even mad.
Mass text: You have all failed me. How have the people I loved so much let me go so long in life without ever eating a McRib sandwich?!
Taking one of the loudest shits ever at work and I have to say...I'm having a better time than I thought I would
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