I just woke up to a guy kissing me goodbye and leaving for class. I don't know where I am, don't have any clothes on, my underwear are gone, and the shoes I found with my dress aren't mine. He just walked in and gave me my phone. I was on my period. Come get me I will walk to the nearest intersection and wait.
i told my grandma i broke up with my boyfriend. her reply " you need to play the field more anyway"
how much land on farmville do you have now? i sold all my shit to make room i need more money... these animals need to know I'm running a business not a charity.
I just got over my period in 3 days...I believe that is god's way of saying "go fuck an amazingly attractive Italian boy on vacation"
I'm drunk at McDonald's in a fairy costume at 10 am nearly two weeks after Halloween. I don't think the Ohio State fans get it.
Got into the physics lab with my student id, hooked up over break when school was closed. I regret no payments for tuition.
the tv said "its small, its comfortable..." and i started laughing... safe to say he lost any dignity he had left...
I punted my pants across my apt at my roommate last night. Everything else is kinda fuzzy.
I'm at a bar. It's body paint Wednesday. All of the waitresses are topless. Help me
If you loved me you'd bring cheese fries and a condom
My bank account got hacked so he showed up with a 6 pack wearing a superman cape to cheer me up and you question why I love him?
She said to me, without hesitation, "make me an offer better than my sugar daddy and I'll go with you"
Whenever you have to pee or whatever I'll be over here to harass you
I woke up this morning to find my closet lacking 98% of my clothes and a text from my male roommate saying your dresses squeeze my genitals
Should I be worried if two ants just crawled out of my purse?
Yes!
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