he just watched a baby story on tlc while high and just called me screaming he never wants me to get pregnant
then he said we can't have sex anymore because ill hate him.
just found out there is no tactful way to ask your girlfriend to wax her stache. no matter what a google search would have you believe.
I wonder if those guys know that i know that is a halfway house and dont just think it is some cool older guy frat house.
he asked me to smell his eyeballs.
I don't think you have the libido for two women at the same time
I think you underestimate the amount of time spent masturbating
These old men are woofing at me..PLEASE HURRY
i swear, as soon as they invent a cure for herpes, he's mine.
She was hiding under the bed to surprise me with sex. But when you took your hookup in my room to bang things out, she thought I was cheating on her. So explain it to her douche.
I'm gonna get drunk in the shower and yell at my parents during dinner. Have fun in Texas.
Benefits of having to stay in jail for the weekend: learned how to make my own make up out of colored pencils. Also how to make use of toothpaste for hair products. Downfall was probably getting hit on by a murderer. Only me.
I was on the verge of being completely over him and then he went and made his Instagram not private... ITS LIKE HE KNEW
Please don't try and hook up with one of your high school teacher's friends
help. there is a guy in a bunny costume.
I feel like the physical embodiment of the pot leaf eyes smiley face
It's fucking 2020, I should be able to watch Netflix in the buff while making brownies without you getting preachy about it.
Randomize
