It's hipsters with their motorcycle cop mustaches, moccasins, douchey irony, and department stores to supply their independent conformity
Something's gotta give!
FUCK TREES I CLIMB BUOYS MOTHERFUCKER
STOP listening to that song
Bleh. If he hadn't ascended into heaven and sat at the right hand of the father, Jesus would be rolling over in his grave right now.
Every time I hit my bowl my neighbors set off fireworks... I stop, they stop. I start again, they start again. Too high for this.
I just figured out, there are 9 children in this world that I can look at in the face and say "I fucked your mom."
Still can't decide which I'm more disappointed about: the blow job I gave him or the donuts I ate after.
why oh why did i suck thise tits. nothing but trouble fuuuuuu
I think they called the cops after 15 minutes of you shaking their clothes line like the ultimate warrior and calling out hulk hogan
You look cute and you are awesome. And that means something coming from a judgmental bitch
When this bachelor party is over and your life is in ruins, you have my permission to die.
Last night I got drunk on margaritas at an Irish pub and came home with only one shoe. I have to get my shit together.
You really know how to show Monday who's boss.
Worst. Date. Ever. He peeled a layer of bread off his mini burger buns because they had "too many carbs".
Hey guys so who is Justin McGoo and why did I text him "fuck yooooouuu juuuustiiin mcgooo" at 12:06am on Thursday night?
THIS IS WHAT CELL PHONES ARE FOR! So you can tell me that you're bringing your coworker who lives in the "Halleleuia community" home for a beer SO I'M NOT DRESSED IN LEATHER LINGERIE WHEN HE WALKS IN THE FUCKING DOOR!!
short story short, i just screamed anal seepage in the middle of a diner.
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