your parents love me but you hate me
Does transporting jello shots count as driving with an open container?
I was on my way at Dorito Smoothie
Sorry my moustache came off because I was face first in a layered bucket full of jello shots.
Oh and I ate all of your Cinnamon Toast Crunch. Consider it part of your reparation payment for accidental anal insertion. I may continue to collect payments until I am no longer sore.
I don't even know if I LIKE sober sex any more.
SURVIVAL MODE. WE CAN DO THIS. Celebratory survived-working-christmas-retail sex to follow
I will kick you in all of your body parts. All at once.
What, I can't laugh at my sister being driven crazy by Facebook randomly assigning chat significance to the guy she lost her virginity to?
I ripped off the screen and literally supermaned through my bedroom window. That wasted
I mean I've seen her tits but I don't know what her voice sounds like
I'm glad you still love me even when I change pants in the kitchen and demand you spoon me
I don't think he knows you can have sex sober...
Well, I like big penises but it's not like he walks around with it out or anything so yes I think he has beautiful eyes
The cop asked me why my pants were around my knees when he woke me from the sink, i replied "Officer, my underwear is still on, nothing bad happened" then he nodded in acknowledgement and we carried on with the paper work.
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