youre so sexy i want your bod
dude, did you turn gay?
heather?
this is jacob
i don't plan on having that self control this summer
I just realized that "Hey girl, when you gonna let me tap that?" is in iambic pentameter. I'm going to write a poem...
This house was built for laser tag.
Fyi: beer caps are stronger then bathroom counters
If you're asking how many times you took off your clothes and played with the tiki torches.....the answer is 3.
He did a line of coke off my stomach then flipped me over and smacked my ass. Then, while he was talking dirty to me, he told me he wanted to hire someone to clean my room. And that's when he lost his boner. Life is so hard.
Nobody knows who they are, but they have an ice luge so they are welcome in my book
you're right. a strip only looks good in porn . mine just looks like a fucked up mullet
saying, "have a good fall!" After fucking a virgin boy is good etiquette, right?
Drunk assassins creed leads to explaining to my father that "it was only a steak knife in the arm"
Due to this morning's events my new porn name is Reepa Nipplov.
i just watched a 7 minute video on people making a hot air balloon for their dog and i am a changed person
i said cake fell into my bra, you stood up and yelled "Im coming soldier", leaped acrossed the couch and started motorboating my boobs. i would have been cool with it if your mom didnt keep calling me the "lesbiainizer"
Not sure how my purse ended up in the bushes last night... Or why there was a noodle strainer in the toilet.
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