I just snorted a line of adderall through a rolled up business card for the Michigan Law Admissions Office.... Tell me I'm not motivated
He was like a Bill Nye the science guy of sex....he was telling me things about my clitoris that I didn't even know
Watching water boil has never been so amazing. I love wake-and-bakes.
There's a certain level of slut that i can handle.... I think she just broke that scale
On another note, convinced a 9 year old my hickey was actually a zombie bite.
thank god we only have to drink eggnog and rum once a year. It taste like shit.
I'm driving up the street and can't tell if my ears are actually about to pop or not.
A solid 8.5 on the baked meter, I need to stop.
Stand up sex. Extremely, extremely difficult. I now know how pointe dancers feel.
Our friendship would be less complicated if your dad didn't think I was forcing you into having gay sex with me
So the contents found in my winter coats this year: coat 1, condom and 10$. Coat 2, condom and 75$ check. Coat 3, 2.05$ and a sunflower seed.
Obviously coat 3 had the best time since you used the condom and all of the money
Do you remember trying to make pizzas with the domino workers last night...while trying to speak their language with them.. spanish?
I'm handling the NHL draft worse than getting dumped this week
Grumpy Cat is dead and fuck EVERYTHING.
That's the only way to watch Gumby. Either age 5 or high.
What's a professional way to say get your shit in gear?
Randomize
