Wine + wine + wine + wine + bud light = puke.
who knew that a girl that let me piss on her within 20 minutes of meeting her would get upset i couldn't remember her name.
There is literally a guy in my class with a gallon of water and a trophy.
If I don't at least start a parade that spirals into drunken riots then I'm calling it a fail of a birthday
I think that the jello shots in bowls is where it all went wrong.
Fun new game when high: sorting socks. Took forever. Was awesome.
It's times like this I miss having my nipples pinched
I was only out of town for 1 week. His cell records show he texted 63 ex-gfs and hookups while I was gone. And 10 condoms are missing.
I don't hate him I just hate being present to see him consume 80 dollars worth of alcohol and then try to tip people with left over money on a Walmart gift card
I feel like the fact that I slept with someone who dresses up like Batman a few times will never be lived down.
I SWEAR TO GOD IF SHE FUCKS WITH OUR GOLD GENE POOL
"he sent me a picture of a puppy in return for a picture of my boobs. He then captioned it with "look it's puppies first time at the beach". "
well i maturbated this morning, which means the best part of my day has already happened.
I puked in the back of my mom's new car because I had too much to drink at Chilis. I think I just hit rock bottom.
I just bought two 8 Balls of Coke from the chick nurse that stitched my leg together in the ER after my bike accident last summer.
Randomize
