I'm chasing vodka with french fries.
so I was like, you know platform 9 3/4? I know something else with those measurements. best. pick up line. ever.
whenever music plays i find myself always doing kegels to the beat. its like the new foot-tapping
Nope we're in the ER. He lit himself on fire trying to impress another girl with magic tricks.
He could tell i had a fever by feeling my tits. He gets docter of the year.
The guy in the next stall screamed courtesy flush and then puked. Bless you Vegas
My mom is holding a picture of me, crying, and saying "where did I go wrong" over and over again.
He hasn't left the hospital without a nurse's number all year. My nurses are always ugly or men. Wtf bro
I am debating about my sub. I am not quite sure I can be the dom he needs.
You were peeing off the rooftop and told everyone sometimes you just gotta go
must go to store soon wiping with panty liner ugh
He's gonna do me a solid for doing her a solid. It's like pay it foward. But with sex.
Also I feel like death. But like. In a good way
Kids I used to babysit are now fuckable members of my social media periphery.. Getting old sucks
Probably some sort of karmic revenge for me looking at titties somewhere along the way
and for that you shall suffer
God: I won't strike you down, but I shall introduce your child to Doja Cat during a quarantine
Randomize
