We stole some shitttt from king sooper's. fuck yeaaa
what did you steal
frozen pizza, cat litter, and preperation H. not much different than my usual grocery list.
A guy in a big stork costume just came to our meeting to give us condoms and t-shirts telling us not to get pregnant. Only at college
Girls should come with a carfax report
Vibrator and massage oils got stopped at security. Super.
she told me that she was curious about how cum tasted. of course i left you.
i'm glad we're now at the level of friendship where we can comfortably discuss the quality of our shit
He may or may not be blacked out. We put him to sleep in the community bathroom. He's wrapped in your blanket and he's already puked on it twice. Using your blanket was my idea. Maybe next time you'll ask before taking my vodka.
I'm sure it was awkward. I've never had a professor expose parts of them to me before.
I feel like I just walked the hall of shame thru the marriott. Everyone stared.
I think it was the shoes and limping. Not the sex. I could b wrong.
THIS IS THE EMERGENCY BOOZE SYSTEM. I AM EN ROUTE TO DEWITT WITH A FIFTH OF TEQUILA. THIS IS NOT A TEST
I was having trouble getting it up so she grabbed it and said "no, it's too big to fail"
Dude, we apparently put a washing machine drum in that back of your truck with the full intention of making a bonfire in it.
We had sex six times. In a span of 8 hours. Confirmation I don't need to go to the gym.
How does fucking Canada get Justin Good Guy Take Me Now, Just Fuck Me In The House of Commons Trudeau, and our new President looks like he bathes in cheetoh dust and sin?
I'm not saying i'm drunk
But i'm drunk.
Randomize
