I'm at the cafe. It's 7am. There is a girl I don't know on my futon who tried to tickle me this morning when I got down from my loft. I also not wearing any underwear.
What a good family we'd make, him and I and our kids and his good dick.
The extent of my physical activity is running from the cops.
Great. My funeral dress now smells of smoke and disappointing sex.
Now she's making me sit here and look at pictures of guys she likes who look like bears. She's calling them her bear friends.
So I just tried to wake him up with a blow job and he literally touched the top of my head and said snooze button
just used my sex toy cleaning solution to clean my reading glasses. midterms are cramping my styleeee
Just induced vomiting to put out a carpet fire.
Everyone is cheering
At one point during xmas dinner my whole family was double fisting. It was like thats how I learned to drink moment
Please make sure you have solid number of friends around you that wouldn't be afraid to break a bottle and stab someone. If you're planning on drinking all of that, you're going to need a safety net.
So in the middle of making out, he decided to give me a breast exam. God I love dating a doctor. He saved me a $20 copay.
I've fucked him twice and literally had no idea that he's missing a thumb
Yeah, I got home from work at like 9:30, and he was passed out on the couch wearing only a tee shirt and The Jurassic Park theme on repeat.
i have two papers due tomorrow. contemplating if i should take adderall in my anus for full effects
Ya know. I was thinking of my slutty moments the other day and finally know which one makes the number 1 spot.
Randomize
