They use the phrase "final warning" so often the words have lost all meaning.
we sang an acapella version of barbara ann to his voicemail...i'm not drinking again until tuesday.
so they are in my phone as twin 1 and twin 2. but i forget which is which. did i put them in order of who I hooked up with first, or who is sexier? cause i'm not trying to text the one with the girlfriend
1st off, theyre identical. 2ndly, have i ever told you that youre a huge slut? hope that helps
Seriously? He's going to use MY birthday sex as the opportunity to ask if he can pee on me?!? I let him, but wow talk about selfish.
I asked him if we could hang out sometime when we weren't hammered. He said he'd email me his number... that's when I knew I was going to die alone
He's the conductor of the struggle bus
I RODE THAT FINE PIECE OF STRUGGLE BUS
I think there's an ice cream truck out back, but there's no way I can get pants on in time to catch it
He has blue eyes of sex and i am powerless against them
Doesn't tell me where my computer chair went but good to know
He's a doctor now.. hope he can cure his small dick
The other night he asked if I had a condom and I said I had an IUD. and he goes OMG A BOMB?
After we hooked up, his roommate shouted "I LIKE TO HAVE SEX TOO" from across the apartment
His boxer smelled like clean laundry while I was giving him head. It was delightful, like sucking a dick in a spring meadow.
I wanna eat mushrooms and cuddle with a million dogs at once. I wanna know what heaven is like
I've come to the conclusion, I should prob have at least 20 hr supervision. I would say 24, but I'm guaranteed to pass out for at least 4 hrs a day
Sorry i ignored you for so long. I think my vibrator is broken.
Randomize
