you definitely have a few illegitimate kids
probs. Not too worried about it though. MOst girls are too embarrassed that they let me into their pants that they'll never admit its mine
Braces and a neon one piece. She looks 15.
i'm in love
I just made a moltov cocktail out of lubricant and a christmas bulb. The fire is still going strong. MERRY CHRISTMAS
sometimes you just have to pull up your panties, blow a kiss to the security camera and walk out of the alley like nothing happened.
Announcement: Given the sad circumstances regarding the death of my dearest friend Chong the Bong, there will be a brief memorial service for him tomorrow evening at 10:30 at my place. After sharing some memories and sending his spirit off to the great bowl in the sky, we will all take place in the commemoration and maiden voyage of his son, Chong Squared, who eagerly waits to meet all of you. High blessings to you all, piece be with you.
Top hats and gin. This is why I love day drinking.
Exactly. Some of us want to get married. And some of us want to wear sombreros and do cocaine. To each their own.
I'm standing at the bottom of the driveway w a sign that says plow me
I made it crystal clear I'm only upset because he's not anywhere fit to be a father of my unborn zygote
Yeah, we agreed, but I feel like I need at least one more ride on the bonecoaster
Did I send you a drunk selfie with a pine tree last night?
He was feeling me up but acting like he was asleep. Like WTF does that mean??
Her vagina is like the upper echelon of Scientology and I don't have enough money to get in
I finished OITNB and broke it off with my fuck buddy in the same day. It's going to be a rough week
I'm with jana at walgreens picking out penis rings.... Did you know they sell vibrators at walgreens? Wtf?
Randomize
