I hraet yuo
did you say you heart me or hate me?
who is this?
omg, he ripped it...he ripped my vagina...best. night. ever.
I know I'm all grown up when I don't have to take my pregnancy test in the store bathroom anymore.
I love you. Thanks for all the blowjobs.
Did you make me take pictures of your ass last night because you fucked on some wet paint or did i dream that?
Oh my fucking god I saw the pictures. What the mother fucking fuck. Destroy the pictures. Destroy the fucking pictures.
Please confirm the destruction of the pictures. NOW.
After a roaring rendition of Jay-Z's "99 Problems but a bitch ain't one" I ended up making her cry on her birthday.
I am stoned at Disneyland with my little brother. It's gonna be a good day.
I don't want sex or anything I just really need someone to appreciate how shiny my hair is
On the other hand, this could be a new level of shame for me.
Gave his drunk ass water, & he poured it on my shirt while saying "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!" When reminded of it today he replied with, "at least you came in first place"
I woke up to an email from expedia confirming my flight to hong kong
You can’t judge a dick by its balls.
Swear to god, somebody just drove by with mickey mouse in their passenger seat and he waved at me.
don't worry, i'll dog sit again, the barking made the sex better, its like he was cheering for us, we were just THAT good.
Randomize
