Dude, I just saw a sixteen year old girl in a catholic school uniform buying a pregnancy test... With a coupon!
Google Chrome's "top 8 most visited sites" page has become my motivation to stop masturbating
just puked in a purse in the store. some girl asked if i was gonna buy it now and i laughed and asked her why id want a bag some dude just puked in. her face looked like she saw the devil.
It's 4th of July all over again, we were chasing with the pool water.
i jsut feel off the bus, but its ok the driver let me back on. a woman hid her baby from me..
You're not required to sleep with every guy that spends $10 on you.
Can we dedicate this weekends marathon sexcapades to all the haters?
Carrying your RA back to her room wasn't the conclusion I was expecting for the first thursday back
In a shocking revelation, I learned that the Easter Sunday shit show happened not because of vodka but because my gay neighbor drugged me.
She had cheddar bay biscuits in her purse. Biscuits, Id and cash. I'm gonna marry her.
I never thought I would have to get vodka suctioned out of my ear
"Where are you? Where are my keys? What is this guys name again? Why am I wearing two pairs of your pants?"
I had a dream last night that I answered the phone and after I said hello, Shia Lebeouf started yelling "DO IT! JUST DO IT!" That's when I knew, I had officially become meme trash.
It has now been 10 days since we last saw Sebastians penis
It's your birthday, you should get to jizz where you want to. Jizz when you want tooo
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