its good for cellulite if you don't wear underwear. its true
i thought i deleted your number from my phone...Wtf
Is it bad that when I see ugly people make out, I hope he's impotent?
Its way too early to be sitting naked at his dining room table...
We are the drunkest people in Toys R' Us right now
just remind me when i get fired soon that august is the month i started pregaming work
why the fuck would he compare you to sexy aquatic creatures?
we were bear claw grabbing his crotch in the middle of the bar yelling prominent ridge over and over.
She was telling me which girls she thought I should fuck or not at the bar. Why can't all one night stands be that cool after?
We have 24 days left before I leave for college and 21 condoms left in the stockpile. Are you up for the challenge?
I tried snowmobiling at 2 am. I broke my glasses. You're right. Things do get out of control.
Still trying to figure out where I was when someone broke the lawn chair and put it in the bathroom.
I don't need no damn man when I have the cock-a-nator 2000.
She just took all of the blankets in the house and threw them in the yard, because 'the grass was cold'..
I love when Facebook suggests people I may know. Well, yeah, I know him. He's my drug dealer. Pretty sure I want to keep that relationship strictly professional.
Randomize
