i don't know how to normally transition into sexual activities without being drunk...
Topless wife handwashing shirt. Tonight marriage is good.
and apparently i was drunk enough to follow up with "I'd let me touch your boobs" ... not my best line.
Just think about how many life skills I lack. Cooking... Driving... Sobriety...
You climbed into the Suite next to us at the game so you could steal the half eaten hot dog someone had left on the table. That high.
I puked on myself in front of a customer. all. over. myself. thanks Saturday nights
I feel like our low point of the night was when we had to start chasing with ice cubes and wheat thins.
ugh... thank God for ATM withdrawal limits. I was drunk enough to give that weird shaped stripper all of my money while making her cry in the back room.
Haha sweet. I'm being the Mad Hatter. I'll be drinking out of a tea cup all night. Or at least until I inevitably lose it, break it, or use it as a weapon.
Church parking lot, park bench, front porch. I think she's more comfortable going down on me in public. May have found the one.
I lost my vibrator temporarily and for some unknown reason my first thought was that you might have stolen it. But then I realized you would never do that because you know it keeps me from killing people. But I am overtired and lacking in faith.
My orifices are off limits as long as you have that stache. Your call.
How do u ask ur friend if shes keeping her kid but in a chill way
This is why you arnt allowed in pet stores
I’ll always remember that day you sent me that random nude on accident lmao changed my life
Randomize
