when your hometown is famous for abortion clinic bombings, hurricanes, and jude law's newest bastard, its probably time to move.
A lady just asked me if you "seat yourselves" here at qdoba. I told her yea and she has been sitting at a table waiting for someone to take her order for 25 mins.
he told me he had a problem with me going both ways. like what the fuck. what guy says that to a girl? goodbye planned threesomes...
i can't believe i brushed your teeth last night. so drunk.
last night he took my thong off with his teeth... god bless champagne
My ex was there, the 2 girls I'm seeing showed up and I had a pocket full of VIP passes 2 the strip club. Had all the makings of an epic night but I fell asleep at the bar.
Dude if her licking my face hammered isn't love I don't really want to know what love is.
Thats Poetry
I feel like a pet sloth would complement my lifestyle.
I'm full of champagne and rage, of course I'm showing up at his house.
What do you take me for? I'm not trying to lure you into bed with stories of my dead aunt.
Well I either feel like the fat girl or very accomplished because his bed is now broken in three places
He a gives rim jobs, because, of course a guy who opens doors and makes reservations would lick your anus..like a gentleman.
You were just laying there on the air mattress watching spongebob with a knife. We tried to take it from you, but you insisted it was your emergency escape in case you started to float off.
When was the last time you got laid?
When was the last time you came home sober?
touche
A piece of your chipped nail polish just fell out of my crotch.
Randomize
