It's pouring out. I am cold, wet, and miserable.... Kind of reminds me of our sleepover last night.
And God said, "Let there be Twilight," and it was so.
I should injure you considerably.
its whatevr the fuvk you could ever want is wht it is. i dont wanna read. literacy? overated in my opinion. overated.
how the hell did we fit 12 drunk lesbians in your car?! I felt like we were playing lesbian tetris last night.
I am paying my roommate as much of the electric bill in pennies as possible because I hate her.
I kept feeling my boobs..just to make sure they were still there.
Just puked up hair, tacos and vodka. Hello Memorial Day weekend.
Yeah we can't find him. He left a note saying he left and isn't that drunk with what appears to be an attempt at the quadratic formula for proof. He also wrote down his number and left his phone by the note
On a scale of 1 to "bad descision", where does stealing my racist neighbors dog and giving him my roomates dildo for a chew toy rate?
Just saw a couple chasing each other on lawn mowers. Oh South Knoxville.
It's like God tapped him on the shoulder and said "You are now capable of giving world shattering, tear jerking head."
It's not my fault you decided to fall in love with a Frodo Baggins lookalike
Dude I got in an Uber this morning and he goes “I drove you last night”\n“You got your dick sucked in the back seat”
Steven and I talked about running for office again today. It's fucked that my 3 dream jobs are marijuana bakery owner, bar owner, and president.
I came home and drank a bottle of wine in the bathtub. I have AMAZING coping skills!!
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