She's 40ish and I couldn't wake her up with a stick of dynamite. My sheets are going to be covered in glitter lotion and smell like grape vodka and shattered dreams tomorrow.
Aren't divorce parties fun?
You and I have very different definitions of fun.
I'm tuning in to watch Heidi Montag crash and burn on the Miss Universe Pageant. Somebody call 911. and I'm not talking about the Sean Kingston song.
you were making out, puked over his shoulder and insisted everything was okay
I just found 17 dollars of saltine crackers in my room. confused incredibly. suprised not at all.
I mean I'm forever immortalized as the one who puked in his dad's straw hat.
We decided to play beer pong where the loser had to beer bong a pitcher of beer...people just started losing on purpose. It was a bad idea.
Couldn't get it up. She asked me what she was doing wrong. Didn't have the heart to tell her. I appreciated her willingness to adapt, but she's pretty much gonna look that bad her whole life.
Yea idk it was like early in the morning and you were walking around with no shoes carrying a printer
ugh... I can't wait for campus to get back. Then everyone will have other things to try to have sex with besides me.
Just paid off my possession ticket on 4/20. Helloooo awesome.
Is it weird to say that Kobe reminds me of a wise brontosaurus?
I'm going to give blood tomorrow. Prepare yourself for pictures and a cynical poem about the heart and its level of tangibility.
she keeps dunkaroos and gatorade in her bed. yep pretty sure im in love.
Just cuz I'm recovering alcoholic does NOT make me the taxi for you every weekend
you yelled, puked and cried then passed out in the fetal position in your underwear
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