I dont ever wanna see you tell my little brother to "spread the seed" ever again
So apparently when I roll on X I find 'dick ina box' not only hilarious but also sexually arousing.
Let's play a little game called "Chill the Fuck Out" - you're our first contestant
And by that I mean I told her the plot of the first batman movie as my life and it took her like 20 minutes to figure it out
All she said to me last night is that when her eyes roll back, to release my choke hold.
I am now best friends with a lesbian named Zulu. I am pretty hammered already and made a game time decision to stay here another night,for partying purposes
we have to top last new years. except im not ready for jail. that can wait a couple years
just had a very awkward conversation with the concierge at the hotel, they threw your underwear out
Please don't place wagers on my sex life unless you are giving me a cut. With my current sluttiness I feel like I deserve 40% for how much money you'll make
Also, making a white Russian with butterscotch schnapps instead of vodka is probably the best decision I've made in my entire college career.
I'm surprised I didn't lose anything last night. Except maybe my dignity but other than that we gucci.
I just need you to appreciate that this is the first time I've ever been cut off and it's at an airport bar in Philly before 1 o'clock in the afternoon.
i survived drinking for 24 hours, an 8 ball of cocaine and a threesome. I think you can handle moving.
Whose panties are you wearing on your head and why are you sending me pics of it?
Why did you buy a cock ring?
I’m going to propose to his penis
Randomize
