Were we dating when my roommates and I had the 'everyone gets laid' part?
Ya
I used to kick so much ass
she's in the bathroom throwing up right now...what is the hookup protocol after she is done? what all can I do with her?
I just saw a homeless guy on rollerblades; I don't think I've ever felt sorrier for someone in my life.
I'm thankful she wil die Alone. And I'm thankful I slept wiht her cousin. And brother.
Found myself carrying 2 bottles of .89 euro wine about half a mile to where im staying. and someone stopped me and spoke to english. apparently, i reek of drunk american.
I woke up and he was just feeling up my stomach. I felt like buddha and he was rubbing my belly for good luck. never again.
I forgive you, at least you vote. I found out my fuck buddy isn't even registered. I won't fuck a non respectable citizen.
Poking every semi-decent guy on Facebook in the hopes that one of them will want to hook up with me tonight. So far all i've accomplished is 5 new poke wars which i will most certainly continue after this weekend.
Well his arms broken so they only cuffed his good wrist to his belt. That's how he cast smacked me in custody.
he spent an hour trying to rescue a bug from the sink. turned out to be a sesame seed.
I'm just that drunk tells people I love them or wants to set them on fire. Accept that.
Ain't no cockblock like hearing the word"HOOODOOORR!" shouted from the bedroom floor while in the middle of sex.
He started talking about getting a puppy together. So of course I went down on him later
I'm concerned I may die tonight. All I've been told about my bday shenanigans is to bring slutty clothes, a bikini, tylenol, sunglasses and pjs. Tell me what the fuck is going on...now
bring lube too
i hate all of you
it looks like a nuclear can of fuck blew up in here
Randomize
