You were parading around the bar chugging girls drinks and then asking them if you could buy them a drink. It was actually genius
i guess i called my mom last night. she wasnt nearly as impressed with what we did in the bathroom as i was
After we did it I noticed she was wearing the same underwear as last night.
That's why you don't sleep with the same girl two nights in a row man!
I saw a stripper quit while on stage to months ago nothing you tell me will amaze me
Dude. The only thing that I use less than my dick is my tennis racket. We need to play.
You screamed "There's a potato in my anus" and proceeded to attempt to grind with the bouncer. Also, I'm pretty sure our Chem teacher was in the same bar as us.
the guy sitting next to me at the bar has a patrick swayze tattoo hovering over a roast beef sandwich. 'merica.
Want to get drunk and look at an xray of my dick?
"Little drunk?" Honey you were "livetweeting" Sublime's "Sublime" album while it was playing in his car, and at one point you said you hoped they play Santeria. "Little drunk" doesn't cover it.
Sorry I sent you a video of a singing reverend last night, I was really high.
He fell asleep cradling my ass and every time I moved he adjusted his hand accordingly. I've found the one.
You took all of your clothes off and tried to seduce me and while trying to seduce me you decided you were too drunk and passed out.
I gave my girlfriend a ring to celebrate our anniversary, she thought It was an engagement ring. Now im getting married and I don't know what to do.
How does the curb feel today?
It's stronger than my elbow. But I found my lighter while I was down there.
Your shit was massive.
I'm not 100% sure how to respond to that.
If you were in a "who has the massivest shit contest", you'd win by a landslide.
Randomize
