batman just walked across the sidewalk
lay off the drugs
no for real he was wearing a cape
I took an adderall but just ended up meticulously arranging my farmville for hours
let's get her a shirt that says "i went to key west for spring break and all i got was this illegitimate child."
so we started it doggy style, but since we were really drunk kinda fell to the side and turned into a 'lazy dog'... my new favorite position btw
My epitaph should read "Margaritas: she never learned"
I've ID'd the nipple biter.
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
i told him i should keep a toothbrush at his house for after all the times i threw up there. he said yes but i wasnt getting a key to the apt
I don't see what kind of idea someone could get from an envelope covered in jesus stickers and a note from a person and their dog. I'd say crazy person alert before flirting.
you left saying you wanted to "go piss on that girl's doorstep" and we didn't see you the rest of the night
that actually explains a lot
Ill tap morse code on the ceiling when im ready for you to come down amd smoke
I got into a fight with the dude who fell asleep on my couch bc he wouldn't wake up but managed to get a lunch date set for thurs with another guy by the time he finally left. So how's your day so far?
He yelled at me to keep it in my pants and I replied with I will fuck your roommate as much as I please. Oops
what's your room number? I've never been there sober...
I met his parents. We played twister. My boob popped out.
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