I woke up at 7am naked in my bathtub with the shower running. My apartment was so full of steam that my ceiling was dripping. Who thought it would be okay for me to get my own place, anyway?
im pretty sure i just saw someone trying to catch a fish with his penis
She thought I was gay, so I told her I'd be more comfortable with anal. She agreed.
Her boobs were tiny. I could have used her bra as a blind fold. Which in hindsight would have made things a lot better.
I just saw her punch a kid in the face.. i always knew she was the girl for me.
You know who really doesn't like surpise in-your-face air guitar solos? Strangers.
i need you to babysit me first week back at school. havent had tequila, adderal, or sex w randoms in 3 months
Im not moving so it's going to have to be a 3 some.
i had choclate birthday cake for breakfast and am currently flossing my teeth w a condom wrapper. at work. hot mess for 200 alex
There just aren't enough words in the English language to convey my deep and abiding love of your cock. So I am beefing up on my Portuguese.
My wife ladies and gentlemen! Love ya babe.
CODE RED CODE RED MY VIBRATOR IS BROKEN THIS IS NOT A DRILL
Just let me suck your dick and be happy. Let me have this.
The night's not a success unless at least 60% of participants wake up with bite marks on their genitals the next morning.
I don't know what kind of parties you go to, but we should hang out more often.
I stole $10 from the guy I hooked up with last night.Not sure why but it was definitely more satisfying.
We were all having a bath, the three of us, then that drug dealer guy walked in and peed. Sitting down. Apparently he didn't want to offend us.
Randomize
