we were taking shots of hot tequila, which is even worse than it sounds
New thing to add to the list of never wanted to talk about with my grandma: sweating in ur crouch and vag area
i gave her road head last night, needless to say it wasn't the same and i bit a chunk of the inside of my cheek off.
today is my dealer's birthday. i dont know whether to give him the day off or call him saying happy birthday ill take a quarter please
"I could never have "feelings" for someone who, at one point, wanted to "hate fuck" my face."
Note to self: don't jizz on a surface cleaned with Tilex. It WILL turn purple.
I pulled an all nighter. So hoped up on coffee and aderall. Pretty sure you could take my pulse through a snow jacket...
The pastor just stopped the sermon to lay hands on me. THAT hungover.
I'm totally wasted about to ride water slides. That's goddamn 'Merican. That and Clint Eastwood.
He asked me not to hook up with anyone else because it would hurt his feelings.. while his arm was around his pregnant girlfriend.
Do u like your dick pics shot in hotdog or hamburger orientation?
His name is Dustib. Not a typo. I just can't.
I warned you. Don't come crying to me when your vagina refuses to forgive you for this.
The girl who comes up after me always strips to Lana Del Rey. I didn't think working in a strip club could be any more depressing.
Did you come home, throw out a ton of shoes, then leave again?
That is exactly what I did.
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