Would it be weird if I brought slabs of bacon with me to the beach?
You drank the expired grape juice because you were convinced it had fermented into wine...you have a problem.
good. and stop kissing my girl you dirty slut.
i don't think she's still your girl..plus, she kept screaming "kiss me! i'm a lesbian!" last night so i think you're outta luck..
We'll cross that bridge when we come to it... Or burn it. Either way we'll deal with it later
Standing in a circle of girls fistpumping to the word "hospital" while taking shots.... I don't see this ending well, but its fucking fun.
I woke up and he used my makeup to write "hope you don't get pregnant" on my mirror before he left
We stared down the barrel of pure insanity, took more and the electric elephant god rewarded our fearlessness by giving me golden skulls and naked women crawling out of the walls. I love acid
i did nothiing wrong other than not tell that kid his whole back was covered in puke
Hell hath no fury like a woman whose gay sidekick you insult
No more stories ab the wkend for co-workers... No one else found "and I didn't have pants on when I got home Saturday night" as funny as I did.
Oh my god I found my bf's erotica
OH MY GOD HE WROTE THIS EROTICA.
OH MY GOD THIS IS GOOD EROTICA.
Video footage says last night I reincarnated as stripper Shania Twain... Man, I feel like a (slutty) woman.
I lost my voice. So I'm going to pretend I'm Ariel with legs today.
All I need to do is acquire a Shrek costume.
Please don't traumatize your girlfriend too terribly. Have fun.
Oh my god.. Saw a commercial for Captain Morgan. Made me gag a little bit.
Randomize
