Fyi I let myself into your place, I'm wearing some of your clothes in your bed. Come take them off
My face smells like last night's lay. I need a whore bath. Or a corndog.
8am blowjobs give a whole new meaning to morning breath..
No it wasn't her, this girl had both hands.
today i did the best job ever shaving. like my vagina is PERFECT. plus i straightened my hair for a good hour. if i don't get ass tonight, i'm killing a baby.
but then i turned into a human whiteboard because i thought it was a good idea to bring out markers
I don't know how I got here... but I think I'm in a Christian Impact meeting... I'm trying to act as straight as possible. They can sense gay.
I fucking, woke up on a couch with a towel as a blanket to someones lion king ringtone.
I just saw a herd of slutty loofahs run down the street...
came home to a trail of roses from the door halfway up the stairs. but my nonsingle roommate lives downstairs. idk if they celebrated on the stairs or if some girl tried to woo me last night and i don't remember
Do drug dealers work on Memorial Day?
I faked more orgasms with him then ever should be allowed for someone this pretty.
Because you touch yourself at night.
...What time of day am I supposed to do it?
His dick is a spiritual experience and meditation is very important to me.
Omg I joined a choir last night...
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