You are still hot in my book. I wanna dry hump u like a 9th grader then hump for real when the herpes is gone.
I'm pretty sure I left my reasoning skills at home last night, and just brought anger and rage with me.
Its piss that you smell... I borrowed that shirt last week. Sooo, wanna grab some laundry soap on your way home? And good luck on your date.
Two words Indian burn...
What did she think it was, a shake weight?
I made him hve sex with me in the elevator so that I could put my finger down in never have I ever.
I know, but I was really high and I felt like a failure dragon because I could only blow smoke, no fire.
He sent me a picture of him bent over showing his asshole with the caption "vwahla".... No more tequila for either of you
Somehow I magically turned down a threesome last night. On my birthday. You're a horrible wingman.
And the best part is I don't remember putting the condom in my pocket! Angels officially exist
High school girls are buying me shots. This will not end well.
Why i have shady connections. Owner just txt me asking to come by and judge the new stripper.
Using your ex girlfriend's little brother to pick up women at the a&p: priceless
I feel like we should apologize to the light saber. We were REALLY inappropriate with it last night.
Your face; I've seen enough of it for today. Go away now please.
I'm too hungover to Google him and try to save face.
Randomize
