so i just saw your dad embarking upon a biking journey in full reflective gear
...this stays between you and me
You know its bad when convincing your mother you were masturbating is the better alternative
it's pretty bad when you go in bed bath and beyond and recognize 6 different bed spreads you've had sex on
I'm not sure how appropriate a drug deal is while at a wake.
The doctor told me if I woke up with a broken foot and don't know how it happened, I might want to look into getting treatment.
He smells so good today
Seriously, back away from the sexual harrasment suit.
when the song champagne showers came on you poured some kids beer over his head... while giving him a lap dance
I may have made out with a tranny last night, which, if I don't get fired for everything else that happened, really makes last night epic.
I offered to lick your vagina while wearing a suit... Pretty sure chivalry is well alive.
You told me that you were mad me because I wouldn't let you 'explore my castle'. Then you said I smelled like a hospital and passed out.
He's practically not my boyfriend anymore. So let's go get some glitter, balloons, alcohol and forget this night ever happened.
And I'm stuck at home while my dad's in vegas hanging out with Zach gali... Zach... That guy from the hangover
I woke up on a different floor than I went to sleep on. Can't find my shoes.
Did I tell you about my dream that I got handed a $100 and my vagina dissolved it? I think it wants me to not be a whore anymore.
That's because I've spent the past 21 years convincing my parents the only emotions I have are sarcasm and bitterness.
Randomize
