This row in front of you is like duck, duck, goose - but eating disorder, eating disorder, failed eating disorder
the next time i see a chick with leggings under her jean skirt...i'm gona beat her ass with a fashion magazine...
wait so...it's like an actual thing to masturbate using the detachable shower head? WTF I thought I was being creative!
I'm gonna sleep with her just to prove to my roomate that shes a slut and he's wasting his time
I'm not going to need your "it doesn't mean you're a slut" pep talk after all.
He called the drink "The Annexation of Puerto Rico". He wouldn't tell us whats in it but said that we should all fear for our lives. Let's do this.
so some random man just messaged me on facebook "tig ol bitties" should i be concerned?
I just threw out a whole Christmas ham, 12 positive pregnancy tests, 3 empty vodka bottles and by ex boyfriends Latina porn collection in the same garbage bag. The homeless person who goes through the bins tonight knows I have nothing left to loose.
I'd do them all but honestly I'm so high that I probably should have a chaperone.
Did you clean his pubes up off the table yet?
Will you fuck me while I eat my burrito though? I'm kind of hungry.
Sorry. My phone died in the middle of you explaining why we would never work as a couple. Whatever you were gonna say, I probably agree.
Just taxi'd to the airport holding a zip lock bag of my own vomit. Bachelorette success.
I have a sixth sense for large penises and lack of morals
What's the rule for getting in fights with homeless men in suits?
Here's a rule: don't
Randomize
