i had a dream last night that you and i organized a foursome. swear to god
ps i'll be in miami in early july. this text has no relation to the last one
when she started arguing that Girl Talk was in fact a DJ, i knew i could never sleep with her
Always thought my first night in jail would consist of fire and a bunny suit.
GOOD NIGHT DREAM OF ALCOHOL SNO CONES
Just had a tv talk show interview in my mirror. Got into to some pretty heavy shit man, would have made good viewing.
I just had a threesome in the back of my mom's van. I'm pretty sure the rest of my week is going to be epic.
They usually take it with their boobs. It's like a horizontal motorboat
Someone please drive out to my house to bring me a beer.. There are some in the fridge but I just can't get up
The spray paint was a bad idea, 'insert penis here' isn't coming off
He probably tastes like german chocolate and coffee beans
Seriously though, my ovaries are trying to crawl out of my body and into his pants.
I don't know whether to be insulted or flattered that I am being propositioned to have a threesome only if I wear my cat onesie
Might call you tomorrow on a drunken hate filled rant, or just a normal hate filled rant, either way be ready.
A stripper choked me last night. Then I choked her. Now we're going on a date this Saturday.
after we fucked i left the room and when i came back he was patting his dick whispering "prouda you lil guy...prouda you"
I boned my sugar daddy for the first time yesterday and now I know why they say guys in their 40s are the best. Also I’m getting a car.
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