omh. i just found SHIT IN THE SHOWER! who the fuck does that? and why do i always seem to find it?
Yet again my drunken self has managed to find his way into the middle of nowhere with no shoes or recollection of what happened last night.
Then I guess you don't remember me driving you there after you tried making out with my girlfriend, dipshit.
the girl next to me in class just threw up in a waterbottle during our exam.
Can the rest of this semester just go by as a montage?
In case you were wondering, it hurts when the bouncer throws your phone at you after kicking you out of the strip club for taking pictures.
Just beat off to internet porn while talking to my mom on the phone and eating a cinnamon roll. U have 5 minutes to get on my level
He waited until after foreplay to tell me that he didn't have a condom and "we" would just have to settle for a bj tonight...
I almost shit my pants in anger over your moral sanity.
I refuse to have sex with you and your eBay condoms.
I just remember looking over and seeing you on top of him and us high fiving. That's when I knew we'd be perfect roommates
I think I may have just taught my whole hall how to give a good blow job. So this is college.
Should I have spent my entire pay check on Crown Royal and LSD? No. Do I regret it? Also, no.
He was leaving the restaurant I was going to as I was parking. I didn't want to scream, "hey, didn't I jerk you off?" Out of my window at 10 am
The ONLY reason I am doing laundry is because all my sweatpants are dirty.
So, if you were also having sex around 11pm, then we were legitimately being penetrated at the exact same time. That is amazing. We are soul sisters.
Randomize
